Funny quotes about financial advisors jobber

Need a CV written in Norwegian tailored for the financial sector/industry for a Masters degree graduate in Money, Banking and Finance. Will provide my current Norwegian and English CV.

Need a CV written in Norwegian tailored for the financial sector/industry for a Masters degree graduate in Money, Banking and Finance. Will provide my current Norwegian and English CV.

I'm looking for a creative video maker to help me create one short, funny video a day for TikTok and YouTube. Key Project Details: - Content Type: Comedy Skits - Video Duration: Less than 1 minute - Script: We'll be using a mix of both original and existing scripts. - Frequency: 1 video per day Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proficiency in video editing and creation - Strong understanding of comedy and what drives engagement on social media platforms - Ability to work with a mix of existing scripts and create original content in line with the overall theme - Understanding of TikTok and YouTube audience preferences Please let me know your availability and experience with similar projects. A good sense of humor and creativity will go a long way!

...need to cover topics centered around solar panels and general solar technology. - The main objectives of these articles are to educate readers about solar technologies, promote the benefits of solar energy, and provide a comparison of different solar technologies. Specific Focus Points: - Advancements in solar panel technology: As the field of solar energy is fast-evolving, the articles should incorporate the latest technological innovations in solar panels. - Cost-effectiveness of solar energy: A detailed comparison and analysis of the cost-effectiveness of solar energy in contrast to conventional energy sources, highlighting the long-term financial benefits. - Environmental benefits of solar energy: The writer should delve into the environmental advantages of solar ener...

As a business owner, I'm seeking...project that involves customization and integration. Key Responsibilities: - Customizing Tally to integrate with our CRM system. - Ensuring smooth synchronization of customer data between Tally and the CRM. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proficiency in Tally customization and integration. - Proven experience with CRM integrations, especially syncing customer data. - Strong understanding of financial and sales reporting. - Past experience in enhancing customer relationship management through system integration. Your role is pivotal in ensuring that our customer data is up-to-date and correctly reflected in both our CRM and Tally. The successful candidate will play a crucial role in automating our systems and enhancing efficiency across sal...

We are looking for a part-time virtual assistant to support our online store. You will be handling various tasks, including: - Email Managemen...store. You will be handling various tasks, including: - Email Management: Regularly checking and responding to customer inquiries, inquiries from suppliers, and other related communication. - Customer Support: Assisting customers, resolving complaints, and ensuring their needs are met in a timely and friendly manner. - Accounting: Basic financial administration, such as registration, tracking transactions, updating spreadsheets, and providing basic financial reports. The potential candidates should have a valid security number and a utility bill in Cyprus as our based is in Cyprus. Your expected workload will be less than...

I'm seeking help with analysing financial statements, particularly the income statement with a strong focus on revenue recognition. As a business owner, I need to deepen my understanding of my financial situation, and I believe grasping this concept will be pivotal. Key responsibilities: - Interpret and explain my income statement - Highlight critical aspects of revenue recognition - Showcase practical insights using my financial data Ideal Skills and Experience: - Excellent understanding of finance and accounting principles - Proficiency in interpreting financial statements, especially income statements - Prior experience in business financial analysis - Extensive knowledge in revenue recognition - Ability to teach and explain financial co...

As a leading name in the finance industry, I am currently seekin...facilitating comprehensive, accurate communication between my team and Chinese business professionals. Key Requirements: - Proficiency in English and Chinese languages - Ability to provide written translations of business and financial documents - Capacity for real-time verbal interpretation during business meetings - Experience in business and finance industry is preferred The ideal candidate should be skilled at adopting the appropriate tone and vocabulary for addressing business professionals in the finance industry. Consequently, familiarity with financial terms in both English and Chinese is crucial. I am looking forward to you helping our team break down language barriers for a streamlined communic...

I seek a proficient web developer to overhaul our financial services website. The existing site is operational but does not meet industry standards. It's a wordpress website, and now we need an independent website designed from scratch. The redesign must incorporate the current site's content while offering an improved layout, navigation, branding, and user experience. Key Duties: - Redesign the website, maintaining existing content - Enhance the layout and navigation for improved user experience - Improve the visual appeal and branding - Develop the newly designed site after approval I need a professional who has: - Proven experience in redesigning and developing websites - A keen eye for design and understanding of user experience - Strong communication skills to under...

...submitting job applications on my behalf over LinkedIn. This includes modifying my resume to match job specifications in a frequent, as-needed basis. Key Responsibilities: - Scanning and applying for relevant jobs in Technology, Health care, and Financial services sectors - Tailoring my resume to match specific job requirements; this could vary with each application - Engaging with potential employers via LinkedIn on my behalf Skills and Experience: - Strong analytical skills - Perfect understanding of job markets in Technology, Health care, and Financial services - Proven expertise in tailoring resumes to match specific job roles - Familiarity with LinkedIn job application features Communication: The ideal candidate should be comfortable with both email and phone c...

Vennligst Registrer deg eller Logg inn for å se detaljer.

Are you looking for an opportunity to achieve financial freedom? Join Incruises, the leading multi-level marketing company in the cruise industry, and embark on a journey to unlimited earning potential! As a Salesman at Incruises, you'll be part of a dynamic and lucrative business model that rewards hard work and determination. Our unique MLM structure allows you to not only earn commissions from your own sales but also from the sales of the team you build. Imagine earning residual income from the comfort of your home or while traveling the world on luxurious cruise vacations. With Incruises, the sky's the limit when it comes to your earning potential. Our top performers are making six figures and beyond, enjoying a lifestyle most people only dream of. Don't miss o...

I need a dynamic website that caters primarily to financial professionals, providing them with crucial financial news and updates. It's a one-stop hub for all their financial needs, offering real-time stock market data, financial analysis tools, and exclusive industry reports. Key Features: - Real-time Stock Market Data: The site should have a feature that offers up-to-the-minute stock market updates, ensuring financial professionals have access to the latest information. - Financial Analysis Tools: The platform should also come equipped with tools that enable users to carry out financial analysis, making their tasks simpler and more efficient. - Exclusive Industry Reports: Another important component of the website is its ability...

We are looking for an experienced freelance financial analyst to create an editable Excel-based franchise valuation model for a sports club. The model will be used to facilitate investment opportunities and should include relevant financial information to determine the franchise's value using industry-standard methodologies. Responsibilities: Develop an editable Excel-based franchise valuation model. Incorporate future projections of cost and revenue provided by us. Use industry-standard methodologies, such as Discounted Cash Flow (DCF) and Weighted Average Cost of Capital (WACC), to determine franchise value. Ensure the model is comprehensive, user-friendly, and adaptable for future use. Requirements: Proven experience in financial analysis and valuation, par...

I'm in need of a professional Excel expert to help me manage and maintain a daily financial data sheet. The sheet will primarily focus on financial related data. Key Responsibilities: - Keep the financial records updated on a daily basis - Implement summation and average formulas as required Skills required: - Proficiency in Excel and financial data management - Strong understanding of formulas and functions, especially summation and averages - Previous experience in financial data management is a plus.

I'm currently in need of an experienced professional to help with the setup of QuickBooks Online for my company's regular financial management and tracking. As we don't currently have a QuickBooks subscription, I will require guidance throughout the purchasing and setup process. Essential tasks include but are not limited to: - Assistance with initial subscription setup. - Configuring QuickBooks Online to fit our needs. - Training on how to use the platform for regular financial management and tracking. This project will require proficiency in: - QuickBooks Online - Financial Management - Accounting Principles A successful freelancer will have a strong background in finance and experience implementing online accounting software platforms. If you�...

I need an expert to design a fully customizable Word document template for me. I need a simple clean professional looking template that will be used to send through quotes to clients. The features I wish to incorporate into the template must include: - A custom header and footer - An automated table of contents - Specific placeholders for inserting images Also, the design should have a cover page which must contain the project title, my company's logo, as well as date and version number. Within the custom header and footer, the template should have provisions to include company's name, office address, the document title, and some contact details. The ideal freelancer for this job should have a solid understanding of MS Word functions and a knack for tidy, clear layout...

We are currently soliciting quotations for the completion of the remaining components of our websites to bring them to production. Detailed specifications have been provided for your reference. Should you have any inquiries or need further clarification, please reach out. W...the specified requirements. 11. For the Ebony Markets The Mall website after a vendors register: A. We would like a QR code to be created from the URL that vendor used during registration. B. The QR code would be included in the email sent to vendor after registration. Current Vendors emailed to vendor Desired Vendors email to Vendor. 12 Please provide three itemize quotes: A. Ebony Markets The Mall website B. Ebony Markets The Directory website C. E-commerce Maintenace month...

I am commencing work on a book, which zooms in on case studies of financial crimes within the United States. Therefore, I'm seeking an erudite writer to put together an informative and engaging preface for this book. A successful candidate should be: - Experienced in writing about financial crimes or closely related fields - Familiar with the US legal framework regarding financial crimes - Proficient in researching and summarizing complex case studies in an easy-to-understand manner - Optimal if one has a strong understanding of prevention strategies and methods Your job will entail outlining the purpose, scope, and structure of the book, essentially setting the stage for these in-depth case studies. While keeping the tone consistent throughout, the obje...

I'm in need of a skilled freelancer who can generate paystubs for a single employee in PDF format. These paystubs will need to be created in a clear and professional manner, adhering to the relevant legal and financial requirements. The ideal candidate for this project would have: - Experience in creating paystubs or similar financial documentation - Proficiency in PDF software - Strong attention to detail, particularly in relation to financial information - Ability to work confidentially and securely with sensitive data

We are seeking a proactive Virtual Assistant to revolutionize the short-term rental industry. This role is not just about managing rentals; it's about embracing technology and leveraging social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok to elevate our brand presence. Your responsibilities will include data entry, crafting engaging content for social media, and participating in website development projects to boost our online visibility. This full-time position is perfect for someone with a keen interest in the latest technology, social media trends, and the dynamic short-term rental market. Ideal for those looking to dive deep into a startup environment, this job offers a fast-paced and innovative workspace. Key requirements for success in this role include: A reliable,...

...their clients. The invoicing system should be user-friendly, allowing for customization and easy tracking. - Expense Tracking: The accounting software should also include a feature that allows for the easy tracking and management of expenses. This feature should be comprehensive and intuitive. - Financial Reporting: It's important that the software has a robust financial reporting component. This should include a variety of customizable reports that provide users with insights into their financial health. The ideal candidate for this project will have experience in developing desktop applications, particularly accounting software. It's crucial that the software is user-friendly and efficient, so experience in UI/UX design will be highly valued. Strong com...

I am looking for a proficient specialist who can modify my IRR (Internal Rate of Return) spreadsheet aimed at financial analysis. The main requirement is unspecified modifications, suggesting that I need a freelancer who can intuitively understand how to improve the spreadsheet based on its current state and purpose. The IRR spreadsheet is used mainly for analyzing financial data, with a specific focus on calculating the Internal Rate of Return. Ideal Skills Required: - Expertise in financial analysis, particularly in calculating the Internal Rate of Return - Strong understanding of Excel spreadsheets, their functionalities, formatting, and calculation adjustments - Ability to assess existing tools and intuitively suggest and implement improvements. Please do not b...

I need an intricate Excel model to calculate a cumulative threshold commission scheme, tailored to three varying levels of seniority: Junior, Mid-level, and Senior. The model needs to... Ideal Freelancer: - Proficient in Excel: The freelancer should have a deep understanding of complex Excel functions and formulas. - Finance or Mathematics Background: Prior experience in creating financial models or understanding of commission structures is highly desirable. - Attention to Detail: Precision is crucial for this project, given the complexity of the calculations involved. - Strong Communication: The ability to understand and translate my requirements into a functional model is essential. Please ensure that you have a strong portfolio showcasing similar Excel projects or financial...

I need a skilled photo editor to transform a family portrait into a fun and interesting image. Here's what I'm looking for: - Replace the boy in the picture with a girl and baby Yoda. - Replace dad with Dwayne Johnson. - Replace mom with an alien. - Add a cartoon-themed funny background. The ideal freelancer for this job should be experienced in img2img editing and manipulation in Stable Diffusion. Understanding of humor and creativity is a plus. Most importantly, I will need to the model names used and the seed for pictures to take it up from there and edit further. Enteries wiithou Stable Diffusion Seed won't be accepted i.e. no other AI generation tool should be used.

I'm looking for a seasoned app developer to create a cutting-edge virtual trading app tailored for the ...for user retention and a positive user experience. - **Specified Features**: The app requires the ability to create a virtual portfolio, buy and sell stocks, and track user performance. Ideal Candidate: - **Experience**: A proven track record in developing trading apps, especially in the finance sector, is highly desirable. - **API Integration**: The app will need to integrate with external financial data providers. While I'm open to suggestions, a good understanding of how to work with APIs like Bloomberg or Yahoo Finance is a plus. If you believe you have the skills and experience to deliver a feature-rich, user-friendly virtual trading app for Android and iOS, ple...

I am in need of a remote sales representative to help me expand my AML related product across Europe, especially in Germany, France, the United Kingdom, and Nordic countries. The perfect candidate will have: * Proven experience in remote sales in Financial Crime and Fraud * Deep understanding of the mentioned markets * Ability to sell products for Fintech and Small and Midsize banks * Excellent communication skills and detailed understanding of FinCrime * Competitive drive with a winning attitude Your responsibilities will primarily be discovery, outreach, relationship building, and closing deals. I look forward to receiving your proposals with details of your experience and strategies you would adopt.

I'm needing a proficient user of Bricscad to refine my moderate complexity drawings. The main focus will be on enhancing the final presentation before it's submitted for CNC machining quotes. Ideal candidates should demonstrate: -Strong experience with Bricscad -Impeccable attention to detail and precision -Prior experience with CNC Machining Drawings -Familiarity with moderate complexity designs. Your role will be integral in ensuring accuracy, readability and professional portrayal of the drawings.

I need a professional to design and create a comprehensive, interactive website for my financial firm. The website's primary purpose is to serve as an e-commerce platform, offering financial services and information to a diverse audience. Key Features: • Client login portal - For personalized services and transactions • Investment calculator - To help clients determine potential investment returns • Interactive charts - To visually represent financial data • Educational Section - For financial literacy and investment education • Live Trading Model - To show real-time trading scenarios • AI Integration - For smart, automated recommendations Target Audience: Our services cater to both individual and institutional investors. ...

I'm looking for an expert in developing clean, effective HTML pages. I already have a design prepared, your job will primarily focus on the coding of the page. Additional considerations for this task include: - Ensuring the page is fully responsive, accommodating both tablet and mobile viewports - Ability to interpret and apply design into coded, functional webpage - Expertise in HTML, CSS, and ideally, familiarity with modern front-end tools I expect to receive clean, commented, and organized code. Please share your experience and portfolio. Familiarity with verifiable experience in similar tasks is a plus. Seeking efficient communication and quick turn-around.

I'm on the hunt for an innovative interior designer with expertise in modern aesthetics. I need a creative and cost-effective revamp for three areas: a living room, a kitchen, and a bedroom. Keep in mind my budget doesn't stretch farther than $1000. Your challenge here will be to work within financial constraints while still being able to deliver a compelling, contemporary design. Prior experience in budget-friendly projects will be ideal. Apply if you're eager to get creative and resourceful with modern interior design.

I'm looking for a talented scriptwriter who can help me in creating short, engaging skits for a teenage audience on YouTube. The focus will be solely on skits - think of scenarios teens can easily relate to, find funny, and share with their friends. Ideal Skills: - Proficiency in scriptwriting, particularly for comedy skits - Understanding of what appeals to a teenage audience - Ability to keep skits under 1-minute mark Your responsibilities will include: - Coming up with fresh, original skit ideas - Crafting scripts that bring these ideas to life - Making sure the humor is relatable and engaging to a teen audience - Ensuring the final skit is under 1 minute If you have a knack for comedy, a pulse on teenage trends, and a talent for concise writing, I'd love to hear fro...

...trades, including: 1. Structural Requirements/Roof Attachment: Proficiency in assessing structural needs for roof attachment of solar panels. 2. Space Allocation: Ability to identify alternative areas on the property for panel installation if roof space is insufficient. 3. Electrical Requirements: Understanding of electrical specifications relevant to solar installations. 4. Financial Modeling: Competence in developing financial models related to solar projects. 5. Utility Connections: Experience in coordinating with utility companies for seamless integration of solar systems. 6. Coordination with Other Trades: Effective communication and coordination with other trades involved in the project. Experience with the specifications of "solar-ready" multi-family bui...

I'm seeking an experienced writer with a knack for improvisational comedy to create engaging, fun content for my YouTube channel targeting an adult audience. - Comedy Style: The content should be spontaneously witty, funny, and exciting. An ability to create scripts with improvisational comedy is a must-have. - Target Audience: The content should cater to adults, so it needs to be relatable, with humor that hits the mark for this demographic. - Content Length: Each short video should be less than 5 minutes long, packed with comedic value within this short duration. Ideal candidates will have a proven track record in writing improv comedy for adults, especially short-form content. Experience writing for YouTube or other video formats would be a bonus.

...its English translation); the source of the information; and the name/date of the translation if the original quotation is not in English, plus any other pertinent information. Engagement Terms After an initial trial, we anticipate the ongoing engagement terms will be based on an hourly rate - as we understand some of the identified authors will prove more or less easy to obtain the required quotes/references. We are seeking an ongoing engagement with a suitable party which has the potential to expand past the initial task. Initial Trial Our starting point will be to provide a defined list of authors, along with the Excel spreadsheet template that sets out the required fields to be researched and populated, to Freelancers that meet the above criteria. We are planning ...

...needed: - User Registration and Profile Management: Users should be allowed to register and create a personalized profile on the application. - Product Listing and Browsing: Around 30 distinct products should be listed, and users should easily browse through them. - Secure Payment Gateway: Integrate a safe and reliable online payment system for transactions, ensuring the utmost security of user financial data. - Online Order: A smooth online ordering process should be developed for a user-friendly shopping experience. Your task isn't just to develop an app; it's to create a safe, efficient, and friendly shopping space for my customers. Previous experience in e-commerce app development will be a significant asset. Fluency in Android development and securing online t...

I need to set up an Odoo module or plugin that enables budget transfer between two of our company. Key Features: - The module should support manual budget transfers initiated by an authoriz...plugin is to facilitate budgets movement between the two companies. - Only in Spanish language Access Control: - Basic level of access control is needed. This means a single level of user access is sufficient for the task. Ideal Skills: - Strong experience with Odoo, specifically in module development. - Proficiency in Python, as it is the primary language used in Odoo. - Understanding of financial processes and budget management. - Previous experience in developing similar modules or plugins is a plus. Please bid if you can provide a reliable, efficient, and secure solution for this re...

...Aadhaar enabled Payment System (abbreviated as AePS) - an Aadhaar dependent framework is rolled out by GOI for instigating financial inclusion in India to extend biometric & Aadhaar based banking/financial services to the citizenry through the fingerprint or iris Micro-ATMs. Incorporation of biometric fingerprint scanners or iris scanners for reliable and flawless bank transactions will lead towards safer execution of banking & financial services. Aadhaar enabled Payment System (abbreviated as AePS) is a secured payment method formed by the National Payments Corporation of India (NPCI) facilitating the bank account holders to efficiently execute their banking/financial services such as money deposit, balance inquiry, cash withdrawals, etc. with the a...

As a small retail/trading business, we are i...business, we are in need of an experienced Chartered Accountant. The ideal professional will provide us with the necessary financial guidance and services that are necessary for our operation. This includes: -Tax planning and preparation: To rightfully navigate and implement ways to reduce the financial liabilities of our business. -Financial statement preparation: To accurately reflect our finances, aiding in better decision making. -Filing of GSTR 9 -Preparation of Project Report The perfect applicant for this job would have prior experience in retail/trading businesses under the same role, and understands the demands and challenges in this industry. Fluency in financial laws and regulations, particularly in re...

I am in need of a skilled tax accountant to assist me with both my personal and business taxes, preparing my tax returns for the coming financial year. Must be familiar with Australian taxation law in how best to maximise my return. Thanks Tim

Hi there, I am an entrepreneur based in UK. l am looking to partner with someone who is an expert in Lead Generation. Together we will form an agency that will provide a high ticket service, and I will cater for subscriptions, so there's no financial commitments from you. We will both agree on how to split the profit, and full access will be granted to you on the agency account to enable transparency, and accountability. The strategy will be that you will handle customers fulfilment side of the business(i.e. cold email outreach, automation, onboarding and calendar set up). I will provide the front end service (i.e. closing sales) by leveraging on my sales team from my other business. If this is something you are interested in please feel free to let me know.

I am looking for a freelancer who can create a balance sheet for my business. The key components • Assets • Liabilities • Equity The balance sheet has to be formatted in a vertical format strictly adhering to the International Financial Reporting Standards (IFRS). Ideal candidates for the job would have thorough knowledge and understanding of IFRS and its application. Candidates should also have experience in creating detailed financial documents, preferably balance sheets. Proven accuracy and attention to detail are important aspects, as the final product will be used for critical business planning and decision-making.

Challenging opportunity for a skilled Excel Specialist. The details of the tasks are undefined due to insufficient information from the client. Candidate must be proficient in: - Data o...undefined due to insufficient information from the client. Candidate must be proficient in: - Data organization - Formula creation - Data analysis The size of the dataset is unknown and could range from small to large. You are expected to be able to handle any data size comfortably. While the type of analysis isn't specified, you should be skilled in: - Statistical analysis - Trend analysis - Financial analysis In summary, I need an Excel maestro who can confidently navigate any project, no matter how ambiguous. Your expertise, flexibility and adaptability will be essential for this pro...

I'm looking for an expert in Python and API development to help me connect my demat account to Upstox for automatic trading. The API should have the following capabilities: - Execution of trades based on my designated parameters - Fetching and analyzing real-time data from Upstox Experience with stock trading platforms, especially Upstox, will be ideal for this project. Knowledge in financial markets will also be a huge plus. I am aiming for an efficient and secure seamless integration, therefore, a keen attention to detail will be highly appreciated.

I'm in need of a professional who can assist in the setup of a Bitcoin plat...and reserve stocks for purchase. - **Security Implementation**: I'm looking for basic encryption and security measures. - **Stock Purchase Process**: The envisioned process involves users reserving stocks with follow-up verification before final purchase. The ideal candidate for this project should have a strong background in website development, particularly in creating secure platforms for financial transactions. Experience with Bitcoin and stock trading systems would be a huge advantage. A passion for security is also critical. Please consider your approach to these requirements in your proposal. The project has great potential for growth, and I would appreciate a long-term partnership with ...

Challenging opportunity for a skilled Excel Specialist. The details of the tasks are undefined due to insufficient information from the client. Candidate must be proficient in: - Data o...undefined due to insufficient information from the client. Candidate must be proficient in: - Data organization - Formula creation - Data analysis The size of the dataset is unknown and could range from small to large. You are expected to be able to handle any data size comfortably. While the type of analysis isn't specified, you should be skilled in: - Statistical analysis - Trend analysis - Financial analysis In summary, I need an Excel maestro who can confidently navigate any project, no matter how ambiguous. Your expertise, flexibility and adaptability will be essential for this pro...

I am looking for a proficient Excel expert who is highly experienced in financial data analysis. You will primarily be tasked with conducting comprehensive revenue and expense analysis. The ensuing breakdown of financial information will allow us to understand and evaluate our company's financial health. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Deep understanding of Excel, particularly in data analysis - Expertise in Financial analysis, specifically revenue and expense analysis is a must - Excellent in applying Excel for financial forecasting - Capacity to design efficient spreadsheets that emphasizes readability and ease of use - Fluency in formulating functions to automate data computations.

Hi Denham, I have send you the file

As a business owner, I need a proficient and efficient freelancer who can manage my company's financial data in Excel format. Key responsibilities: - Accurately entering, managing, and updating Income and Expense statements daily. - Ensuring data is correct, up-to-date, and accessible. Ideal skills: - Proficiency with Microsoft Excel - Strong attention to detail - Experience with financial data management Please note, this role requires daily work and a consistent, reliable, and professional approach. Experience in financial data entry is preferred but not mandatory.

Vennligst Registrer deg eller Logg inn for å se detaljer.